All dialogs written by Lanthier except Scene Six by Powell/Lanthier
Scene One
(Lucas is in the foreground, looking wistfully into the distance. James is seated, reading a book. After a short delay, he removes his glasses, and puts his book down, looking intently at Lucas.)
James
You have that far-away look again...
Lucas
I'm reminded of how my mother used to sing to me... Let me see if I can remember the words...
Scene Two
(James is on the phone, with a concerned look on his face, listening. Lucas is nearby, drinking a brandy and rocking on his heels, idly. After a few moments, James sets the phone down.)
James
Gentlemen! I wonder if we could take a moment to eulogize... There has been a terrible accident!
(Lucas is struck with horror.)
Janet has lost BOTH her ARMS!
Scene Three
(Lucas is slightly in the foreground, smoking a pipe. James is somewhat behind, also smoking a pipe.)
James
Uncle Tobias, you've been abroad for so many years! Won't you sing us something?
Lucas
I suppose I could render you a selection... This is a tribal hymn I learned in Africa...
Scene Four
(James and Lucas are strolling back and forth across the stage, with canes.)
Lucas
I can't recall if I've met your sister...
James
Ah! She had a face you could not easily forget! Her countenance was... striking!
Lucas
She was a pretty girl, then?
James
Pretty? No, not at all!
Scene Five
(James and Lucas are arm-in-arm, strolling into the front of the stage, towards the audience. Lucas is wearing a long, blonde wig.)
James
You never did answer me, Jane.
Lucas
(Coyly) No... I never did...
James
(Emphatically) Well...?
Lucas
(Hesitantly) Maybe...
Scene Six
(James and Lucas are drinking brandy and water, their hands in their respective waistcoat pockets.)
Lucas
You've spent a lot of time with Wendy, lately!
James
Mmmm... However, one never knows when a wench may endeavor to Pinch your Purse...
Lucas
I say! That happened to a cousin of mine, once...! (He then assumes a look of terror, as James has pulled a gun from some inner pocket and aims it at Lucas.)
James
There's nothing like a crooked hooker! (He pulls the trigger, and the killing shot rings out.)